For my own personal reasons, I have not allowed my now 13 year old to wear a bikini. At the beginning of the summer, she asked me, "Mom, why don't you let me wear a bikini?" and I said, "Why do you WANT to wear one?" She says, "The only kids that wear tankinis are little kids and the only teenagers that wear them are the ones who are ashamed of their bodies. I don't want people to think I am embarrassed of my body." Which, is short of a miracle coming from her, because I have definitely heard non-flattering comments regarding her body come from her mouth on more than one occasion. Hmm. Well, that was a pretty valid argument. After talking it over with her father (and determining that she would be a great lawyer one day), we decided that we would allow her to start wearing a bikini. Sigh....
Somehow I manage the trauma of shopping for a bikini with my Teenie and I am pleasantly surprised that this seems to make her more confident instead of less confident. Then, I get to thinkin'. Why did I stop wearing a bikini? If my 13 year old, who is at the most self-conscious time of her life, can wear a bikini proudly, why can't I? Why can't I let go of the terrible 80's idea that was drilled into my teenage head of what was beautiful and the normal size (think Jane Fonda work out videos and terribly skinny chicks)? Why aren't I embracing who I am and what I look like right now?
If you go to any beach or water park, you will always find all types of shapes and sizes in all types of bikinis. What I am trying to say is this. Someone will always look better than you. And someone will always look...less in shape than you. But that's not what I see when I go to these places. I see people of all body types letting it all hang out who don't seem to care what other people think. And it makes me just a little bit jealous.
So I had to take a step back and give it a chance. I channeled another lesson I have learned this year...don't buy cheap clothes. Yes, I had to spend some money on a bathing suit. I love you Target. Really, I do. But your bathing suits are not made for grown people. So for the first time in forever, I went to ....(pause for dramatic effect)...the mall. Guess what? It's just as expensive as I remember it! But seriously, bathing suits are on sale in July. Summer's over, I guess, folks. So, that helped me a little. It also helped that many of the bathing suit tops came in actual bra sizes instead of S, M, L. Score one for the grown people (bless you Dillards!). And so I found 2 bathing suits that I actually really liked and purchased.
And then it occurred to me that maybe that's what we all need to do. No, not wear bikinis. Maybe we all need to be a little less worried about what's going on on the outside and more about what's going on in the inside. I watched my daughter, who is not entirely comfortable with her figure, embrace it and love it and be proud of it. She inspired me. I don't LIKE wearing tankinis. They make me feel frumpy and old. So what the heck am I doing in one? I need to embrace me, not just the good parts, but all parts. And so, I did. Score another one for being fierce in 2016.
Happy Summer, Ya'll!
~K
