In keeping with "blog posts gone real" this week, I'm gonna go ahead and do another fun post. This one is about the day I found out I was fat.
On my list of habits to make (that are forever being procrastinated) is "need to start working out again." My hubs and I used to work out religiously and then, life got in the way. Now it's just one of those things I can't ever seem to find the time to do. I know it's just a good habit that I need to make. Again. But I want to be healthier so I started by looking at some different exercises on Pinterest. I started making infused water. I realized I was starving myself all day by only eating 2 meals. Added a meal (breakfast) and 2 snacks (9:30 and 2:30). I started writing down what I ate, which made me very conscious of the bite of something here and there. I made an effort to eat more fruits and vegetables (which is killing my grocery bill, I don't mind telling ya!). I'm trying to eat dinner before 7 (some days that goes better than others). So here we are...and I'm feeling pretty good about these changes I made and I focus on them for a couple weeks. My energy is through the roof (I think from all the water? Or maybe because I am no longer starving.) and I feel great. Now I know it's time to throw in exercising. So again, I take steps...I buy new running shoes. I make a new running play list on my Ipod. I look at running apps...The first thing the running app asks for is my weight. Hold up. There's one thing you should know about me. I don't own a scale and I don't believe in weighing myself. I believe you know if you are fit or not, just by the lifestyle you are living and by looking in the mirror. And clearly I knew I was not looking fit these days. So, I had to go to the nurse's office at my school and weigh myself.
Now. If you had asked me what I weighed I would have said "about 135". Imagine my shock when the number looking back at me was 158. Point 2. OMG. "How'd that happen?" "How long has it been since I worked out on a regular basis?" "How much weight DID I gain last winter?" And from that moment on, it was all I could think about. I could not get "158" out of my head. When I went to bed, all I kept thinking was "I weigh 158". And then I did something I knew I shouldn't. I looked up how much someone my age and height should weigh (I mean, I clearly wasn't sleeping). Yeah, remember that number I THOUGHT I weighed? That's what I am SUPPOSE to weigh. 135. And on the chart it said I was "OVERWEIGHT". I couldn't go to sleep because all I kept thinking was "I can't believe I weigh almost 160 lbs. How on earth am I going to lose 20 pounds? How did this happen?" And then, I remembered why I don't own a scale. For this very reason. I already knew I needed to exercise again. But now, I was officially freaked out. Stupid running app.
So I had to take a minute to get my head right (and by minute I mean an entire day). What is it about a number, a label, a name, that is so defining...so debilitating? Why does that become who we are? Suddenly I forgot about all these wonderful gifts and traits that God has given me and all I was was "fat". Now, this is very important, please don't say "you're not fat" in response to this post. That is not what I am going for and it's not my point. What do you see yourself as? What are you focused on? When I was thinking "I want to start the habit of eating healthier by exercising and eating better", I felt great. I felt excited. When that turned into "I have to lose 20 pounds", it was like a giant weight hanging around my neck. And now, I felt like "I can't do it."
Sometimes, instead of thinking of what you need to stop you need to think about what it is you are trying to start. I am trying to be healthier. I am trying to take care of me more. I am trying to have more energy. I am trying to sleep better. And yes, maybe I am trying to look better in my bathing suit. But I am not trying to be 135. Because after all, that's just a number.
Stay Focused on the Positive Side!
K
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